TRANSCRIPT
Bad News?| Regulating Media Consumption and Staying Informed
Iva 1:27
I am here today with my beautiful cohost Desiree Gonzalez - hi Des!
Desiree 1:35
Hi good morning.
Iva 1:37
And we are really wanting to go into being a little bit _maybe polarizing, maybe not, but we wanted to share our stance with regards to consuming media or listening or reading to the news. And whether that's something that is at the end of the day has any sort of benefits or value to us, or what is our stance with regards to you know, being on up to date on current events, right. I think that was the start of the conversation that we had- that we said we should make a podcast episode on this as well.
Desiree 2:25
Yes. I mean, you were here in Tokyo when we started to talk about it and well of course, like so many things, we have very similar opinions. And that felt good, you know to talk to someone who, like understood where I was coming from and then it just sparked some interest as well as like, maybe other moms feel like that too. And I think there's no right or wrong. We don't want to do this with any judgments or anything. It's just what we noticed what works for us without even having planned that it's just something that that has naturally creeped in and yeah, like Iva said- it's about the fact that we do not intentionally read news or watch news, or even to the point where I click away and close windows when certain news comes up, because I don't want to consume them.
Iva 3:30
Yeah, I feel very similar. There's this sense of for me, where the space that I come from is_ I feel very strongly and when there are certain headlines that as you say, pop up or come up in my browser and they have like certain words there's just like a certain something that is into the direction of wow, this looks like really like strong, like a strong article or whatever. I just feel like I'm going to get very emotionally invested if I read in it or if I read it. And it's hard for me sometimes to just walk away and go back into my day without not thinking like oh my God, this is you know, this is really terrible or sad or shocking or whatever. It's, it's hard like it has taken me quite some time to be able to navigate it and handle it and I have noticed that avoidance or intentional awareness of what I am consuming has really helped me a lot.
Desiree 4:54
Yes. Same here and for me, it started quite a long time ago. Well, when I first became a mom, right? I think it was more of like I didn't have so much time to read up on or watch news and before you know being in the corporate world as well of course you'll like naturally also in conversations you will always kind of you know talk about current events. But when I became a mom, I would rather watch like let's say a YouTube video of like mom hacks are what to do, but before I would turn on CNN and see what's happening in the world, right? So it started a little bit of like, choosing content out of necessity, and then not having so much time anymore, but I think for me the conscious part of it came really then the pandemic hit, right because it was it was scary first of all. And there was like okay, no news. Like I really honestly felt like no news was ever positive. It was just all negative. And I am a very, very strong believer that fear and worry can make you physically sick. And I think reading into all of these assumptions and you know what's happening? Yes, it was like curious you want to know as well but I figured and that is not only with the pandemic but with like the current war situations and this if it's something super-duper important, something I really need to know I will get to know it. Social media so it will appear. I have family. I have friends I have a husband who is a very avid news reader who will tell me about it. So there's no big news that also goes past me. And so I feel I don't need to be the one to go into it as a, like a new searcher, like I don't need to read into it. And yeah, you don't want to because it doesn't do me any good.
Iva 7:02
Yeah, right. So there's this sense of, if you're not fully informed, like you're going to be sometimes perceived as ignorant or that that you're not really a responsible adult, so to speak, right, because you're supposed to stay on top of current events and to have a handling of what is going on in the world. But as you say, I believe that this was also maybe I feel it comes from our parents’ generation, where social media, and the internet… for them, the world was not connected to the extent that it is connected now. And so therefore, in that time, for that generation, being informed was something that would allow you to possibly properly network and look like you were competent enough to know what was going on. To showcase your skills, your smarts, everything, your critical thinking and so forth. But now as you say, if something is really big enough, global enough, you know, pervasive enough, we will find out in due time, like somebody's gonna make a comment or you're gonna see a couple of posts here and there and people are, you seeing something related to that and then you're like, oh, okay, I see this is this is actually what is going on.
Desiree 8:43
And then if it's like a relevant piece, right, or like something like Oh my gosh, then I will then ask about it or I will find out more about it, but I can be selective as well.
Iva 8:52
Exactly. So the other thing as well that you said, which I thought is so true, like the whole unfortunately, you know, the mass media. It has come with pitfalls. It has come with a certain set also of, like, profitability aspects in it, that create this sense of, I need to sell more, right, I need to, you know, I need to pay, you know, journalists, I need to like keep this running in a way so people need to either buy the newspapers or magazines, or they need to start clicking on this articles and these links and all of that. And so, the more let's just say a little bit, maybe, maybe it's a bit sensationalist I don't know if that's the right word, but you know, it's like having this headlines that really play on that fear is what they tend to capitalize on. And we ourselves are sometimes not aware that we're playing into it, because we have this curiosity within us. But then the fear and the curiosity at the end of the day, keep us in a state of alert and high cortisol and adrenaline and what's going to happen and what's going to happen. So down the line, if we're constantly over-consuming and I guess this is the key word here, right? Because with no judgment, everybody has the right to be informed, everybody has the right to research and find out exactly from reputable sources or people that they consider to be thought leaders on the topic, so that they can educate themselves. But this overconsumption that becomes sort of like scrolling and scrolling and scrolling and I don't know. You know, how physically healthy that can be for our minds, as well. And then it translates into our bodies. So I have a story that is super relevant to the topic because it happened just a few days ago. And it was just very recent. I went to bed and I woke up from a very vivid dream. Like, I haven't had a dream like this in a while. And I dreamt that I was caught in the middle of a tornado. But I wasn't in the middle of the tornado. I was in a building and I was in a room and the room had open windows and the tornado was coming in our direction. I mean, like sort of pass through it like through this place. So I was just experiencing in the dream this sense of you know the wind and the gushing of the of the sound. And I remember that in the dream I was thinking like, oh my god, the window is open, but I cannot go and close it. I'm going to be sucked into the into the tornado and so it wasn't a pleasant dream at all it was it was just like very intense, like very, oh my God, I had never dreamt something like that. So the next day, I was like, What can a dream that like that mean. That is so random. Usually I don't have dreams like that. So it really caught my attention that I that I had this vivid dream. And the whole day I was I was Googling dream meanings- like what does it mean to dream of a tornado? And it came up with all of these things right? Maybe in your life there's all these things happening? And I'm like, no, I don't identify with that. I don't think it's that. And one of the sites said something like well, if you have seen news or articles relating to tornadoes, it might be that you're also dreaming because it's very recent, something that you observed or watched or read on. And I was like, I don't think so. But anyhow, that day at night, I was putting my kids to bed and they asked me to read them a story. And it was the same story that we had read the night before. And the story was about Bugs Bunny and the Tasmanian devil. And if you know the Tasmanian devil cartoon, when he walks around, he walks around this whirlwind, tornado. And when I saw the image in the book of this like mini-tornado that was actually Tasmania devil. That's when it landed for me-all of a sudden, all the pieces fell into place. And I was like, I cannot believe that I was able to create this really intense experience in a dream from just this image in a book that it's a children's book! it was it was not scary at all. And that it just didn't register for me. You know what I mean? It's like I was there the night before reading them that- I remember we read about it, but I didn't register much of it. And I think that that is what's incredibly powerful and at the same time that we should handle with care when it comes to the to the aspect of reading the news because of this scrolling and we sort of read and then there's an image but we don't really pay attention to the image consciously, but subconsciously, the amount of information that we are still consuming and processing is unbelievable. And so this is just like a big illustration of how it works for us inside our psyche even to be always in this overconsumption of you know, headlines and news that for the most part, they have people reading them and so they put them really in this constant, you know, negative sort of bias or like you know, they spin it in a way that that it's like sensational, sensational stories for higher viewership. So that is that is what I feel it's important to be mindful and careful off and if we don't know how to properly address that maybe not reading news that would be the best option right?
Desiree 15:16
I think like a lot of things in our lives it's about setting boundaries. Right? And like you mentioned before, and I'm exactly like you, if I get so emotionally invested into things and I mean, this is what happened to you in the dream from a children's book. Now imagine you watch really graphic news reports or you know, you read up an article with these graphic images and everything. Imagine what that will do to your subconscious right. Yeah, and it is something I do in the first line, not to protect me but to protect my children. Not that they will see it but I am going to project that energy, that negativity, that worry, all the emotions I'm going through. I will, whether I want to or not, I will project it onto them. Right Of course, I transfer the sort of energy to them. And that is not fair to them. And that is just not how I want them to perceive me-not perceive me but to feel me. Another thing is I'm still also breastfeeding my little one. And I feel with this deep bond and connection, everything I feel they feel they are my bearers, right they will literally go through the day the same sort of mood or that I have because we are mirrors of each other and so that's why I do it and first really to protect them as well.
Iva 17:59
Oh, that is so so real and so true. The fact that, you know, you come across something that is distressing it does have a psychological impact. And not only that, but how it translates as you say, it's like this very invisible type of sense of hopelessness because what can you do? Like, it's not that we don't care, right? It's like, because we do care. And we don't know what to do, this sense of hopelessness. kicks in and it's very, very, it’s a very strong type of emotion to be in. When you know that even though you are aware of it, being aware doesn't change anything. So then what is the next step and then you don't really have an answer to that. And then you play into like, okay, so what now? It takes a lot of empowerment away from anyone, right? But especially from us because we are the ones as you say, being in charge, mostly of the caregiving especially in those early years, because we are mompreneurs, we are more present at home than being in an office type of situation. And so we have it in the back of our mind even if it just like I had in the back of my mind that image from the children's book, in my subconscious is still trying to sort it out because the mind’s job is to look for solutions to problems. The mind likes to be engaged in solving some sort of problem. And if the problem is, you know, all of this is happening because I read it and the news outlets are saying that this is wrong with this particular region, issue situation, etc. then your mind is like okay, so something needs to be done and we waste a lot of our bandwidth without realizing it trying to sort of problem-solve that and it’s way beyond our capacity individually, right, because collectively, it's different. So one of the things that I came to realize for myself was that in the face of you know, distressing news, really heartbreaking news or situations and wars and conflicts that there might be happening in the world today. The way that I feel empowered to put my grain of sand is to elevate my frequency. And so in honor of those that don't have the privilege of having a shelter, having food, having their children, their loved ones you know, in honor of everybody who is suffering who is going through terrible hardships, the best thing that I can do is to appreciate honor, and and be as as fully present in my best energy, my best version of me because there are a lot of people that don't have that opportunity and I do have that privilege. So this is my way of counteracting a little bit of you know the the negative that is going on right like all this all these emotions and feelings that large groups of people, millions of people at a time at any given moment in the world might be experiencing. And also like, you know, I'm not a religious person, but I do. I do have like this sense of like a prayer, where I send light, where I like to send light to those areas of the world or just to those or anyone who might be in a state that is not positive, or having hardship or suffering and just sending a lot of light that way. It makes me feel empowered. I also feel that it is more of what is needed, right. Because we can't be fighting violence with violence. We know that that really doesn't work. But that is a little bit what has been my discovery.
Desiree 22:27
Yes, it's very powerful what you say because just you know going with the flow of consuming all of that we just_ everyone will vibrate so much lower and what good does that do to anyone at the end of the day? So yes, this line of thinking definitely also reaps, like, welcomes in criticism, right. I've had to deal with a fair bit of criticism, including from my husband, who's who stopped saying anything because he knows I just don't budge, right? But he said, Des you need to kind of inform yourself, you need to know what's going on in the world. And I was like, look, you'll tell me if there's something I really need to know. I know you'll tell me. So can we just team on that because he consumes that and yes, for his line of work or for his like you said, the networking, he needs to be in the know he needs to be on top of everything fine. Let him be the one and let me be the one who kind of stays in our bubble. And I've tried to explain that to him and with the whole energetics and everything and I am then able to go through the day just with a happier spirit. We have enough worries on our plate anyways, there's no need to pull that down or add another thing on our back. Right. So I've tried that but I've also gotten a some like remarks from friends as I've watched you don't read the news, what you don't know about that? And I was like, No, I don't. And then where before I felt like I told you no, I was like, now I said, No, I don't. And I'm kind of glad I don't and this is not by no means to be ignorant, ignorant. of the fact that people are suffering or ignorant of the fact that there are a lot of issues happening in their world, especially right now. I don't want to be ignorant, but I want to be protective of exactly everything we've said of ourselves of our children of being able to just vibrate at a much higher frequency than otherwise possible. And so now I see it the different eyes you know, and look things seep through to social media. I have seen images that I wish I hadn't, because of people close to me who are from those regions, let's say they have posted very disturbing things. And I was like ah, like oh my gosh, and it's like you can't unsee what you've seen, and that just also reminded me that I can't deal with it. I get very emotional about it. And it's this helplessness and it's not that we don't want to do anything or help them and we will help and we have donated and we will do everything we need that we can possibly do. But I don't I cannot consume these news. I cannot.
Iva 25:36
Yeah, and it's also, as you say, social media. Is built on an algorithm. So also how you feed the algorithm has an impact. And I know that you mentioned that in this particular case is like, you know, context of viewers that that have posted things and so the algorithm is going to show that because you interact with those accounts interact with the you know, with the content. And yeah, some things are going to unfortunately, you know, seep through, but for the most part we also have a choice in on what we want to be fed in a way right because we also feed the algorithm with every video that we watch, with every account that we interact, so to speak, it's all being recorded. And so if you want to be a little bit more intentional in the news consumption, you can also be very selective about the sources, the context of friend requests, you know, like who comes around in that space so that your feed doesn't get clogged up with unwanted content, as well. And as you say, there are many different ways to stay informed through curated, you know, newsletters or certain type of people that you know, are thought leaders that you respect that you like their viewpoints because they seem to be balanced or they seem to take into account every possible layer of consideration within the topic and so you get an informed analysis, but it's not this news headline that just wants you to click and it doesn't even give you all the details, but it just wants you to be riled up right? Yeah, that is where I believe that you and I are a bit like not on board of that train. Because as like, yeah, you want me to get riled up and you want me to just feel that I informed through a sound bite, but there are so many topics and there's so many things that go back centuries, right that you know, it's like, you really have to go back and have a lot of context and a lot of perspective and it's not just like an incident, right? Like, oh, you know, a restaurant I don't know someone, a diner in a restaurant. I don't know something happened, right? And it was like a one off. But I also think and I don't know where I think it was in the book of Jim Kwik, who is great about this and about absorbing information and data, how information is doubling and quadrupling in quantum leaps around us and he says it’s impossible to stay on top of everything right. But he said, you know, what happens with technology is that it's a bit like fire: you can cook your food and you can also burn down your house. And I also feel with information and in this pursuit of staying informed we can also overdo it_we can also impact ourselves and our families in a negative way. Or we can be a little bit more intentional and more mindful. And somehow stay informed. Get the gist of what is happening. Perhaps maybe reach for a book, something that has been authored that has, that it has more like a scholarly type of take and then perhaps that way you can say okay, I feel I get the grasp, I get to grasp this topic. And I can have a conversation about it, but I don't need to be sucked into the vortex of media consumption as such, because it's not leading me to where I want to go anyway.
Desiree 29:37
Exactly. It's just the media is crazy how things even are twisted, you know, and that alone gets me upset sometimes and I've been in a fair share of, you know, areas that were covered by the news because of certain happenings and riots and everything where I was there physically living there. And you look around and you're like yeah, okay, this situation does not look like what they're portraying it to be in on the TVs and we also know there is an element of like, what you said just for the consumer mindset to make it so sensational and so dramatic for viewership. And actually, it's, you know, not as bad. Of course, there's also situations that are very, very serious. So, for sure that there are funny situations that are not funny,but situations then when I have calls from friends and “Des, are you okay?” I'm like, yes. Good morning. I'm fine. How are you? And they're like, “Oh, I heard about this earthquake in Japan and are you okay?” And I'm like, earthquake, you know, and then you look and it was like, down on the other island, you know, like, it was a bit further away. I was like, Cool. Thanks for your concern. I didn't actually know there was an earthquake, but I am fine. And that's like, Okay, wait, what happens, you know, and it's funny like that, where I'm like, I really don't know. What they're talking about. Right?
Iva 31:29
Yeah. Yeah. I mean and one thing that I have seen, you know, in social media, that some people like to check themselves safe, you know, and people can just like, send out a little bit of a smoke signal to say like, Hey, I'm safe and I feel that you know, again, it's like everything has its pros and its drawbacks as well, depending on how you view it. So it's always good because it keeps us connected. It keeps that real time. Like people want to know you mark yourself safe. And then everybody's like, okay, good, right. Like, I don't have to worry. But it's, as you say, it's also true that sometimes it can be a bit misleading, right? Like you really would need to read all the intricacies of everything. And sometimes what happens is that we just scroll through the headline and we get what we got from the headline, and not the text.
Desiree 32:28
So I know that just I know what's out there. There is something happened, right? But I don't need to know the details. And again, not because I'm not interested or not because I feel ignorant. Or of anyone are wanting to hurt anyone's feelings but not being invested in a topic that's maybe important to them. And I just like pretend it didn't happen. It's not about that, but it's about protecting really the energies or frequencies being around small children. And I really think that it's enough if one person in our family is up to date, and I have to, you know, just make sure they are just in a safe space. Not only physically but also emotionally and energetically.
Iva 3:20
Yeah, and that's the other aspect of it. But I think that this plays into a different like topic altogether. But sometimes, you know, my children are already in primary and they do get wind of things. So for example, you know, my son has come home asking about, you know, the war here or this and this happening and so yeah, like we don't live in a bubble. So sometimes it's also a bit like okay, they will overhear certain things and that's where I guess keeping the lines of communication open is really good because in their young minds, they can make very quick assumptions about something and if they don't have our guidance and our support in understanding and conceptualizing really what is going on within a context that is tailor made for them, it can really draw a lot of confusion and as I said, this is more about us as consenting adults consuming media, and how much or how little or what is our take on it? But definitely, you know, we don't live in a bubble and so when kids start to go to school, when they start to interact with other children and those children over here, their parents are you know, it's a little bit like playing that game like, like the phone game, which is, you know, everybody starts to say one word to the other and the other and the other reaches the end of the circle. It's a completely different word. So that's a little bit where we also you know, as parents, we have to find what works best for us and how to approach it. But it is something that for example, in my case, I'm already noticing that that happens, right? That they come up with these topics or this, you know, names and I'm like, Where are you getting it?
Desiree 35:18
I guess I'll have to cross that later. And I can't do it. My kids so yeah, for the time being I'm just got to stay where I am. But you're right. Once they get a little bit older, of course. I think that comes the next piece of learning about how to make it consumable for your children how to make it appropriate, where to draw the boundaries, how much should they know how much and what should Shouldn't they know, especially at these younger ages, primary school ages, right. So I think yeah, that's another learning curve altogether. So it's an important topic, I think, and definitely one as well to you know, discuss within the family. So we know we know each other's boundaries, and we can team work it also down and probably when, when, when my eldest sits down and wants to hear about a certain thing so probably get Daddy on the table so he could tell both of us about what's going on and like a child appropriate news. I'll join him on that on that dinner table for that conversation. So yeah, so yeah, I were so curious to know how you handle this in your family. What are your viewpoints on that? These are just evolves and my point of view and what we currently do also, this was not planned, but it's just it just happens to work best for us. So we're also curious to know what your viewpoint is. Maybe it's completely the opposite for you, and that's fine. And then it'd be interesting to know how you handle that with your children. So do let us know. Yeah, do let us know what you do.
Iva 37:09
Yes, and in the meantime, we just want to say as well that or I would like to add you know that we are coming from a place of our own personal experience and our own personal boundaries and everybody's going to feel differently along the spectrum. And that doesn't take away the merit that a lot of you know, journalists and reporters and people that are trying to really get to the bottom of things and to get information over to everyone else, the job that they're doing is also part of what has kept us in the loop of things and we feel that yeah, if they are doing a labor right, whenever you go down to an area to report you're also risking lives to some extent, you know, if there are really very violent things happening. But yeah, it's, you know, it's our take, and we hope that you, regardless of your level of media consumption, the important thing is that you always feel empowered from it, that you feel that you are able to come out on the other side feeling like okay, this was beneficial and helpful to me for this particular reason. And if that is the case, then kudos to your mom because that is what it's all about.
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