TRANSCRIPT
Zombie Mom | Handling Sleep Deprivation Like A Pro
Iva 1:20
Hi and welcome to the Mom Bosses Abroad podcast and I am here with my beautiful co-host and business bestie Desiree- hi Des.
Desiree 1:32
Hi, Iva. I can't believe we are back in separate recording studios. I wish you were right next to me still.
Iva 1:40
I know I know. And also today we're not only missing each other in the in the physical sense of being closed by in proximity but also, we're like both in this haze, right. We're feeling a little bit of zombie moms. And we thought it was a good a good way to introduce an episode on the whole sleep deprivation and how to conquer sleepless nights because part of being busy moms doing all the things and we have so much in our to do list. It can happen as a regular occurrence and it can be due to so many things: someone is sick or we are sick or one of our children is going through a stage or phase where they are not sleeping properly…I know that in your case you have teething issues that are happening; with my kids it has been there has been cases where they have been just very scared of the dark and they wake up to go to the to the bathroom and so you know there's so many things in the mix that can really create a sleepless night or sleep deprivation because I don't know if this happens to you. But to me, sometimes it's not so easy to go back straight to sleeping after I've been woken up in the middle of the night and that also plays a part in how quickly I'm able to fall back asleep and be able to wake up at the time that I needed to and still function and be laser focused and have the energy to do to do what I need to do that day.
Desiree 3:24
Yeah, I know sleep deprivation is very real for me. At the moment I feel I haven't slept the night through for almost two years since my little one was born. And it is it's yeah, there's periods where it's a little bit better. And periods right now where she wakes up so many times during the nights, bad dreams or whatever teething is just Yeah. So this morning it was quite funny when we said okay see you in a few minutes and she's like okay, Iva said to me I feel a little bit like a zombie and I’m like oh my God me too. It's like a we are still going to power through you know, we're still going to show up. We it is the perfect like segue into our topic today about how like five tips on how to navigate the day-to-day with total sleep deprivation.
Iva 4:22
Yes, because the thing is that even though we're sleep deprived, or even though it's been continuous nights for in your case, you know, you feel like it's been years. I also feel it's been years on and off, right? I mean children are already you know, they're almost eight and six respectively and it's still something: it could be anything that disrupts their sleep at night and yet life still has to go on. Is where it is and then the morning comes and so many things still need to get done and you still need to show up. And so what can we do about it because one thing doesn't cancel the other out. We wish it could be that way_ if we have a sleepless night that we can sleep in the next day or that a magic fairy takes over our day and responsibilities the next day for us while we while we properly sleep throughout but that's not real and that is not part of the gig that we have us as busy moms. But yes, as you say there are some things that we can do to at least get some energy back and to also allow ourselves to get some focus going on if we have things that really require our attention, where we have to do strategic work, or we really need to send something where we really need to, you know, just have alertness of mind to make sure that it makes sense that we're not overlooking mistakes, errors and things like that. But even in the small things, right. I have noticed that when I'm sleep deprived, I make very silly and stupid mistakes.
Desiree 6:20
I know I was going to ask you actually, how do you identify that you are sleep deprived? Apart from the fact that you know you haven't slept like you haven't slept the hours right but how that creeps in?
Iva 6:32
This happens_ this happened today. I was looking for my matcha whisk and I was looking all over the place for it and I knew where it usually is and I know it has its place at home and I just couldn't find it and I was going crazy. And then I went into the kitchen and my husband was there. And I'm like where's my whisk? I can't believe like who misplaced it and I was already going into this rant how everybody's so messy and nobody puts things back where they belong and so forth. It's I was blaming the world because I was already irritable. So that's one of the things that we need to take a look at is if small things really trigger us and sets us off quite automatically. That definitely points out that we are sleep deprived because we become irritable and I was already irritable at not finding my matcha whisk. But the funny thing of the story was that the whisk was standing on the table that I had looked apparently and I had oversaw that it was there. I hadn't even noticed that it was there and my husband's like, look, it's been there since you’ve been going on this round. And I was like oops. So you know those little telltale signs that you're like, Oh my God, where are my glasses and they are on your head or where are my keys and you're holding them in your hand and, and so forth. And it's just like very silly, stupid mistakes, but then you can see already how the lack of sleep is already impairing your ability to focus and to even remember what you did in the past three minutes.
Desiree 8:18
Yes, I can totally relate. It does happen to me or like these moments of just not being able to focus, right not being able to like sitting down and you know, you have a million things to do. And you've even made a list. You've even made the famous list. You can seem to go like step one. Step two and get anything done because your mind is not able to focus. Yes, yes to this like Yes. And so hazy or like brain fog or absolutely anything.
Iva 8:53
And so one of the things that I have noticed and I have learned along the way is that one of the first things that we all tend to do is go for the caffeine_we grab our caffeine drink of choice, and we gulp it down first thing in the morning as soon as our eyes wake up, we're like oh my God, where is my coffee? In my case, you know that I am a matcha evangelist. Matcha does have caffeine as well, and I'll explain a little bit the difference of each but what I wanted to point out is that caffeine definitely helps us increase alertness during the day and it's a stimulant so it also makes us feel like you know, we can really come up to speed with everything that we need to do as you said with this my long list of to do's that we have written down. However, I do want to point out that there is an ideal time when you should be drinking caffeine and the reason for it is that doing it first thing as soon as you wake up in the morning, it's usually a little bit counterintuitive, because when you wake up, you are already running on adrenaline and cortisol. So you are ready like those levels of those hormones are already spiking in your bloodstream. The moment that you wake up and you can feel it because you can feel the rush of your heartbeat already. Like you're either late or you're overwhelmed or for the things that you need to do or as you say this, this fog this mental haze that you have going on and you're just like okay, trying to gather your bearings and it's like trying to walk with your eyes are have closed and you're like, Oh my God, I don't want to bump into something and you're just like on this type of alert. It means that it's going to carry you through until like possibly mid morning. And in mid-morning is when we have that first crash of energy. And that is the ideal time where you should be having your first caffeine drink of the day
Desiree10:55
Is really when you feel that first crash happening.
Iva 10:59
Yeah, like usually let's say you know, I'm using myself as an example, I wake up at six and I am running already on that adrenaline-cortisol rush that we all experience like this is not just because I was sleep deprived. This is like for all of us as humans when we wake up, we already have that naturally running in our bloodstream. So the ideal thing is to wait a little bit until the morning like possibly maybe, like around 9:45/10ish to get that first drink of caffeine in your system. Because that's usually when the levels will start to decrease and you're going to start to feel that first slump. Okay, so one of the things that I also shared just now that I'm a matcha evangelist and the reason why I am but by no means am I discounting your preferred caffeine intake but the good thing about matcha that I just want to highlight is that compared to coffee, matcha has L-theanine I think that's how you really pronounced it. And it also has caffeine but the combination of these two components is what creates like a stable line or baseline. So it's like imagine that the L-theanine is going to allow the caffeine in your bloodstream to drip in a more consistent, even way as opposed to coffee where the caffeine spikes and then it takes you down again on a very steep slope all the way down. And people feel that slump but usually they feel it around that the 3pm 4pm o'clock time in the afternoon, and that's when people reach for the second caffeine boost of the day. However Matcha has been studied and has been found that it sustains the caffeine throughout the day in a more consistent basis. So you don't feel those spikes, those ups and downs. So that that is the first thing, yes, by all means get your caffeine fix because you you're sleep deprived, just know the difference and know that there are other options as well. If you want to not experience those, you know, those big spikes
Desiree 13:32
If I can just add so I think everybody is also a little bit different, right when you experience these highs and these lows and whatnot. But I also have to say I used to be the classic person to reach first for my coffees. In the morning. And my crash would come a little bit like I would run on so much adrenaline in the morning like you said. So I have which is not always good either because then you do come down of it very fast as well. So what I have noticed now by making a change is to first start the day with some nice warm lemon water and I'm going to link in the show notes why I use lemon essential oil and not the lemon fruits as well. We will link that there. But then I do start my day with my job as well now because I noticed when I don't at all because I'm up doing then the school run immediately if I don't eat any caffeine. I feel worse I have to say like I crash more. So I make sure I have that before I do leave the house though, because I feel I need that as like my fuel you know for jumping on my bike. But when I've made that change of starting my day with matcha instead of coffee, I still love coffee. But I also I totally like I what Iva says is brilliant because you do stay alert for so much longer. And that sustains you so much longer during the day. And I don't have that urge to reach for a second cup like just a few hours later. I feel high energy Yeah, on a more consistent basis. And then I will reach because I am a coffee lover, I do reach for my coffee then a few hours later or after lunch, something like that because I do enjoy it. But yes, yeah, matcha has also been just an amazing way to start the day. After it's a sleepy, sleepless night.
Iva 16:28
And one thing that I want to add is that the level of antioxidants that Matcha has is just mind blowing. And I will also share in the show notes. A blog post that I put together about why I thought matcha was like the best energy source to keep your momergy up for busy moms and antioxidants is one of the reasons why it's there.. But to your point, sometimes it has been documented that with caffeine and coffee. It seems like your body becomes more tolerant and resistant to it. So to get the same like kick start, you know that kick like that little like oh my God, I'm ready. I'm ready to fire. You need more and more with time to create that same effect and that's how people start with you know, tend to start with like one cup and then it's two and then it's three and then it's four. And then it becomes a little bit like okay, you have six espressos and nothing seems to happen. You're like, oh yeah, I actually am able to sleep very well. And that's just you know, some of the facts that are out there. But do your research. You know, by all means I'm not an expert. On, on on nutrition as such and and, and and they haven't studied to the minut detail, you know, caffeine and whether you create resistance or tolerance to it or not, but do your research. I have read a little bit of what works for you for you as well. So another thing that is also helpful to bring alertness if you want to, you know moderate your caffeine intake and let's say for example that that day, because you're we already sleep deprived like as moms we are like there's no way I'm going to work out there's no way I'm going to you know do some exercise because I see these I'm already late to everything I just don't feel that you know I don't feel like have any. A good technique to use is like a breath work technique. And there are again, there are a million types of breathwork techniques out there that are helpful for different purposes. There's one that I'm going to share as well in the in the show notes that it's like a protocol for energizing so it's a little bit as if you had gulped down and espresso, you know in terms of the immediate effect that it has on your body. And that's just also another alternative if you want to use the breath work route to also help you in those slumps during the day you know like those times where you're already like oh my God, let's say my child is sleeping or I'm in that moment of the day where I know I have the quiet time to sit down and do things but I am like yawning and I'm just, my eyes feel like so heavy and I could totally fall asleep right now but I need to stay awake and alert. There are breathwork techniques that you can use using only your breath to create that effect of you know, quickening your focus and making you more alert along the way.
Desiree 19:43
Yes, I know breath work is so good. I that's also something I've learned over the years and I've learned a lot from you as well evolve over the years. And I love to enhance this type of exercise as well with essential oils. And one thing when I do this type of breath work that he was going to share. I love to use rosemary essential oil because for me that is my absolute focus oil and concentration oil. I use it also a lot. Let's say at night it's like burning the midnight oil or like getting things done and makes me more productive and it's a very simple oil. So yeah, try the technique. If you want with adding a little bit of rosemary to it.
Iva 20:28
Yes and essential oils are amazing for that. I know that from you. I learned as well peppermint is also a great enhancer to water right especially if you've been coming off from a sleepless night or a sleepless week or a sleepless year. Peppermint is also super energizing. I have tried your tip to add a few drops into my water and it's so refreshing and meaty as well. So it's great
Desiree 20:58
And good you can do it hot and cold as well as the holiday season you're in. Yeah, exactly.
Iva 21:03
And that is another thing that is really important is to be more intentional. I have found that I try to be more intentional then on that day to really stay hydrated and because you do tend to feel a little bit not only hazy and foggy but some people do get headaches and some people are just like oh my God I'm not really feeling well at all today is just not one of those days. And hydration has a lot to do with it. So if you can start to pair up you know all this all these tips that were that we're sharing today and say like okay, I know you know this essential oil like peppermint for example is so you know uplifting, and you can add it to your water because you still need to drink it right hydrated. Staying hydrated. Hydration is so important on days like this any way that you're already like stacking up a lot of benefits in one go. Yes by that one thing. And so there's another tip that is also very, very helpful and I know that it's the first thing that people say most of the time that they don't have time for right so this this one is either you know doing a little bit of meditation or taking a quick nap. And I know that that's the last thing because you are looking at the to do list and you're like all the older you know, painting things that are that need to be done, but also the deadlines right or maybe, you know, today's the day where I barely have time to anything. However, I want to break a little bit of the myth because meditation is not about you now levitating for a whole hour and just staying like that until the end of the day and taking a quick nap as well. Doesn't need to be long. In fact, long naps have the opposite effect. So you don't want to go for a long nap anyway. But meditation is, you know, one of both meditation and quick naps have the potential to really alleviate the effects of sleep deprivation because they allow your mind to also tap into more apt learners to have more focus and to feel rested as well. And sometimes we we need to make a choice right depending on our individual preferences. As I said that time of day, the circumstances surrounding your day as well. But they both have benefits and you can choose one or the other. You don't have to do both. Meditation for example, is definitely ideal for relaxation and for reducing stress. And on days like this. When we are sleep deprived. As I said at the beginning, we tend to be more irritable, we get more triggered our children, find the buttons that they're not supposed to press like on us, right and we go and we go off right on things that normally we wouldn't react on. And so taking a few minutes, and again, it's a few minutes just of breathing very slowly deep through your belly. And just again, people sometimes say Oh, but I don't know how to meditate two days. It's supposed to be like I don't have any thoughts or what am I looking for here and meditation is just, in my humble opinion from my own experience because I have been meditating nonstop like every single day for I would say over three years already. That it's not about not having thoughts. It's actually about realizing that thoughts are going to come and go but you don't have to do anything about it. And that's very liberating because we will continue to have thoughts. We are humans that's what our mind is supposed to do. But when you're just, you know, keeping track of your breath, breath in, breath out. Even if you do it for two minutes. That is a great way to get some rest for your mind because our mind gets so overwhelmed. Right. And, and one of my coaches she tends to say this phrase a lot, when emotions are high, solutions are low. So what does that mean? When we are already triggered, irritable, angry, overwhelmed, stressed all these things. We are not going to come up with the best way to approach what we have in front of us. That is just the fact. So if we are able to take those two minutes to just you know, slowly breathe in, breathe out. It's going to allow us for something to come up that we hadn't seen just like my match whisk that was there all along. And I just I just hadn't noticed it and it tends to happen on those days. And so quick naps, on the other hand are excellent for boosting the energy and alertness and as a hypnotherapist I do give my clients a high-performance audio that they listen to when we're working together. And it also ends up acting as a quick nap for them because most of them if not all, they tend to tell me oh my God the first few minutes I heard your voice and then I was out and then I woke up when you told me to wake up you know in the in the audio and I said that's fantastic because you know, it's the purpose of the audio is to talk to your subconscious mind. But to the point they are doing also, as I said, because we like to multitask. They're doing two things. They're reprogramming their mind, but they're also resting and napping in that in that occasion so quick naps are also a fantastic way. If you can squeeze winning, please do it and let's get the guilt out of the equation. Because that's a big one.
Desiree 27:10
So I have to ask you what_ Okay, so first of all, I used to be the mom who no matter how sleep deprived, I wasn't and I had, I never thought I had time anyways. But I used to just power through and push through and then be grumpy and even more like sleep deprived and tired and whatnot. But I also have learned over the years again that it is actually so much more beneficial to take these few minutes because weighing up those few minutes towards the rest of your day, how much better you're going to feel and how much better you get to show up for your kids as well. So I still have to level up I think to the power of being able to take quick naps because that is still a power I need to learn and conquer. But what has worked for me is definitely that quick meditation to sit down and again it doesn't have to be I used to think I don't have 30 minutes time to sit down and live it right. But these really few powerful minutes to set it just refreshes you like magic. It really does. I personally use Frankincense essential oil because that helps to ground me very, very fast. And it makes me able to connect to my higher self and to have these very efficient I would say efficient few minutes of meditation when I don't think I have time to do it in the first place. Now for the quick nap I think I still have a lot to learn because I've the classic I'm gonna quick nap and then wake up even more sleepy. Like I have discovered the right time of like when I need to wake up so I still need to figure that one out. What does work for me because sometimes I'm so busy in my mind that I am not able to go to sleep that includes them at night as well. That I use a blend called Peace and Calming. And I put it on I swipe it on my forehead. And honestly that has been my off button. I always call it lovingly my off button your all of a sudden love it. Yes, all of a sudden, that big to do list which magically appears the moment you close your eyes, right? It magically appears behind closed eyes. It just turns that off and all the noise you have in your head and it's been the best way for me to quickly fall asleep. So you do want to pair that up with when I'm finally learning how to take these quick notes.
Iva 29:49
Yes, yes. So there's a few there's a few distinctions and I love what you say because I mean just to take a little bit of a pause here with regards to the essential oils they the amazing power that they have is because they're able to access the limbic system that the brain and so it they immediately are able to enhance our mood because we they are working with those emotions and we immediately feel as you say, that sense of relief of calm or of safety of all these things. It just allows us to let go by the wayside the things that are not important or not relevant. And also, I just wanted to add a couple of distinctions as well because as we're closing down, you know, like this are our tips for to navigate for those sleepless nights. And it's also again a good idea to just evaluate and measure a little bit if this is a one off, you know, being like you usually sleep really well. My nights are all good, but there's like those one or two nights during the week maybe that are happening that oh my God, what do I do now? I need to function the next day versus a season in your life where you know that you're sleep deprived, because it's continuous, right? It tends to follow that one of your children are teething. It could be yourself because you have big deadlines and you're pulling all-nighters and you are aware that that's going to be the case for a few days or a few weeks and you just know that that's just the season of that moment. Why I bring this right now to make that distinction clear is because I have noticed that if it fits a one-off like okay, it was a bad night tonight but I know that I'll go back to my own rhythm tonight or tomorrow. These tips are really helpful especially the you know, the taking a nap to recharge and all of that. But if it's more like I know that it's going to be heavy duty for me for a few weeks or a longer stretch at a time and I really need to power through through it, one of the things that helps at night as you say besides your beautiful tip on using an essential oil to just like shut off is also to create a little bit of sleep pressure as they call it. And I have noticed that with my kids that when they are extremely fatigued and tired if I don't take advantage of that window in the evening for them to go to sleep immediately they'll have like a second wind and they'll be even more you know, they're going to be more excited and or excitable and they're just going to be more agitated. And sometimes my husband confuses that and I'm like, here, let me explain to you what is going on. They are so exhausted, that they're not exhausted anymore. And then it's harder for them to fall asleep and the same happens to us. The same happens to us. So if you're noticing that that is also the case and it's starting to become a little bit of pattern. A few things that have worked for me that I that I'm happy to share. I have some red lens glasses that I wear at night so that they help my melatonin production to go up and have for my body to start winding down so that I'm able to naturally get sleepy and get into that mode of Okay, I'm ready to shut down or creating that sleep pressure as I said, you know, allow yourself to then really get tired. You know, even if you're not feeling doing exercise, even if you're not feeling being outside or doing a lot of activities, but by all means do it. Postpone the nap, you know and try to like keep yourself on for as long as you can. But then with the intention that you will switch off early that night by all means don't create sleep pressure and then pull an all-nighter because then that is just leading to burnout and exhaustion and then it just defeats the whole purpose of sense like being able to function and show up as we want to.
Desiree 34:48
I know I know sleep pressure is really a thing because again with having two very small children. Sometimes the only time where I get to sit down and do something is at nighttime, right because I have my little one with me 24/7 nap times are often not enough because I do have a household as well that I need to take care of. So sometimes my only solution is to sit down at night and do a few things. It's a season of my life and that's how it is. But there are times which I know that situation will come up for me tonight because I'm extremely sleep deprived today. I see it with all of the warning signs that we spoke about at the beginning of this episode. But I also now have to weigh up: Is it worth it for me to stay up and finish this project which I wanted to finish today? Is it worth it that tomorrow I'm going to be even more tired and I will be triggered and I will let it out on my kids and I will struggle. Is it worth it? So I asked myself that question, you know, and I let myself answer to that. Oh yes, I am. In the past I have told myself I don't care because I need to finish this thing and yes, there are moments where maybe you don't feel you have a choice, it's sometimes not worth it you've got to were aware of and it's also not fair to do that to do something for your business but then let your kids suffer and the next day because you're going to be cranky and snapping at them. It's also not fair on them. You've got to make really, really healthy decisions that work for the moment and make sure you include everyone around you. Yes, even the husband because he gets snapped out too.
Iva 36:35
Yes, I love that. I love that it is so true. We have talked about the glass balls and the rubber balls in previous episodes as well. And that's what it means you know relationships, health, our children. Those are all glass balls and when we drop them they will break they are very fragile. And our work, the project you know the deadlines, even the laundry, are rubber balls and they can they can be dropped a few times and they'll bounce back you know laundry will always be there. And right so work will always goes away. It will never go away the laundry. But yeah, so those are a little bit of things that help us put things into perspective and I love that you ask yourself that question because it is having that awareness to say okay, well, you know, what is it that what I have in front of me? So I guess that, you know, five tips to really you know, to break it down five tips for navigating the day with sleep deprivation or as a zombie mom. The first one is, as you say, prioritizing the tasks and delegating when possible, like if you know that you are coming or facing a day where you are sleep deprived. Then the 100 things that you want to do to choose three or two and if you did those then consider yourself you know like the winner like you want you did what you needed to do. Today is not the day to go that extra mile like be extra gentle with yourself and let's raise our hand and ask for help. Right so that's the second one. You know, communicate with your support system and seek help when needed. We want to be the superheroes all the time sometimes, right? We want to be there for everyone. And we want to be there for business and we want to be there and do all the things and we want to tick all the boxes but if one today, if you're sleep deprived is one of those days where you just say okay, you know what, Can anybody help me with a couple of things can I offload this in a in a way? Third, you know, taking a short power nap to recharge or getting a little bit of meditation in to get some mental rest is always good. Why? Because again, our children suffer when we become mommy volcanoes and we are going to be more snappy and triggered naturally because sleep has been deprived for us. Staying hydrated and eating energy boosting snacks and really nutritious food is always good. When we are sleep deprived we tend to reach or at least that's my case. I have read a little bit that that's usually how it goes. We tend to be more hungry because we either sleep or we have to eat to get energy to stay awake. That's what happens. So we tend to be extra hungry during those days. And we want to reach for the simple carbs like I am. I have to say I'm guilty of this I have a weakness for tips. And stuff like that. And I don't buy them for a reason because I know that it's an easy target. But that tends to be what we tend to create like fatty fried, you know type of things.
Desiree 40:07
Yeah have healthy snacks available. Whether they're pre prepped or consciously buy things so yes, go ahead and snack but just be mindful what you snack. I think one of the big tricks as well is that the staying hydrated, definitely it needs to be conscious whether you have a certain water bottle in front of you where you know you need to fill it up three times that day to measure yourself a little bit. And also I have changed the water I drink for example that has been my secret mommy weapons superpower where it's one simple change. I've changed the water I drink
Iva 40:46
And I have tried the water that you drink. And we and we should talk about that specifically right? No I know itself is a whole topic but it's amazing. I love it.
Desiree 40:59
And this kangen water that we drink is just different. It keeps you so much better hydrated in a way and it has made me feel better. And it has helped me make these sleep deprived days a lot easier to navigate. So I'll have a little link in the show notes for that type of water as well. But yes, yes.
Iva 41:19
And to add to that we did make an episode and we'll put it in the show notes all about sexy water. We had one of our beautiful experts about that and we went into the whole sexy water concept. And there's a few things that you can do to make your water sexy and is just amazing. So keep your sexy water with you. It will definitely be of help. And the last tip is when reaching for the caffeine, you know, evaluate a little bit when is the right time for you to actually make use of it because it is a tool like it's helping you to stay alert and focused and to get the energy that you need but just be aware of when you are first in taking it for the first time. And that there are other options out there like magic as well. And test it out for yourself. Be your own detective and be your own. experimenter and try it out for yourself like what starts to work because the next time that another sleepless night comes your way and you have to be alert the next day. You now know what works what is effective how to do it and you don't have to try to wing it as you go. Because that's even more frustrating.
Desiree 42:37
Exactly, but don't let frustration take over. Mama This is the season of your life. You have little children you're trying to run a business, you are living abroad. So yes, use these tips and tricks that we share today. Share also what works for you. We'd love to learn and yeah, thanks so much for being here and listening and we can't wait to see you in the next one.
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