TRANSCRIPT

Sibling Harmony | Navigating Sibling Dynamics Within the Family

 Holy moly, they are so different.

 

And it is so interesting to see, and now with her, everything that I didn't have to go through with my son, I feel I'm going through with her, which makes the motherhood journey so interesting, because I feel like I'm going through it again differently.

 

I need to relearn and learn things and relearn others.

 

While at the same time, like I can't really apply a lot of things I've learned with my first and the second, because she's different.

 

And then as the older one is growing, I feel I also have to learn new things because everything he does and everything he goes through is a first for me.

 

We are moms, we are bosses, and we're living abroad.

 

And in this brand new season of this exciting podcast, we are boosting the woman to woman connection through deep, intimate conversations to pause, reflect, and go beyond this game deep.

 

And we are here to celebrate your unique journey.

 

No matter how old your business or your babies or where you are in the world, you are not alone.

 

It's time to go deeper, understand better, and lean into more harmony and fun along the way.

 

We are Desiree and Iva, and this is Mom Bosses Abroad.

 

Hi, I'm Iva Perez, and I am here with my business, Vesti, and podcast co-host Desiree Gonzalez.

 

Hi, Des, welcome.

 

So good to be back.

 

Of course, it's always so good to be here in the studio with you and, you know, talking about things that are so important to us that are relevant for the stage of life that we're in, and also in the hopes that it resonates with other moms out there that might be going through the same or might be experiencing the same thoughts or having the same questions that we do, right?

 

And so by all means, this is a mom-to-mom conversation.

 

And we started to have some messages back and forth between the two of us about our children.

 

I have an eight-year-old and a six-year-old.

 

They're about 22 months apart.

 

And you, Des, you have your six-year-old.

 

And a two-year-old.

 

So they're four years apart.

 

And they're four years apart, right?

 

And my children are boy and girl, and your kids are also boy and a girl.

 

And so we wanted to enter into this topic about sibling rivalry.

 

What is it, or how is it being experienced in our households, or how we noticed?

 

And what are some things that we can exchange?

 

Not in the search for, okay, this is the solution.

 

This is what you need to do, period.

 

Because as everything, everybody's family dynamics is very different.

 

The stages in life are very different and so forth.

 

There's so many factors, but it's just a topic that maybe can normalize this feeling of, oh my God, this is happening.

 

And I'm not sure if anyone else is experiencing the same, or is it just us type of situation?

 

Exactly.

 

And it was funny because last night, I literally wanted to call Iva and ask her if she has a few minutes, because I just really want to talk to her about, because I'm going through certain things at home and I love talking to her.

 

She always has amazing advice for me.

 

And she has a bit more experience because her children are a bit older than Maya.

 

So I love to ask her also just opinions and did you go through this too?

 

But then I stopped myself and instead, I opened up our notes app and I jotted down notes and I said, Iva, I have an idea for an episode tomorrow.

 

So instead of calling her, I said, let's just press record on it, which goes back to the nature of us starting this podcast and pressing record on these conversations that we have because we are, we often, like you said, need to realize we're not alone.

 

We're not alone in this.

 

So without further ado, it's interesting because we are raising both boys and girls, one of each, right?

 

And I think the first thing that we definitely noticed is like, holy moly, they are so different.

 

It's so different raising a little boy and then raising a little girl, isn't it?

 

It is, it is.

 

For me, it has been, my children, well, especially my boy, he hasn't been the stereotypical boy, if you will.

 

So my boy has, he has his own unique approach to life.

 

And I feel that that has been interesting to observe because he's always surrounded by a group of girls, wherever he goes at school.

 

And so it's different, but still he still has his own boyish impulses as well, like that sort of strength with his sister, where sometimes he's a little bit more physical than she is, right?

 

And those are certainly things that I notice and I know possibly for you as well, it comes through.

 

That boys tend to be just more active, more physical.

 

They don't mean to be aggressive.

 

That's not the word that I'm looking for, but they just don't know how to be gentle, right?

 

They just don't have this caring, nurturing core within them because they're built differently.

 

So I guess I do experience that as well with my kids.

 

Mm-hmm.

 

Yeah, like my little boy, my six-year-old now, he was always reflecting back.

 

Sometimes in the moment, I probably wouldn't say the same thing, but reflecting back, he was always a super calm boy, super calm and very easy.

 

I didn't go through any of these traditional stages with him, like the terrible twos or the three-nager stage or anything of that.

 

I was like, okay, taking in what the people are saying, I could see where it was coming from.

 

But I was like, even as a baby, he was just quite easy, and it was blissful.

 

It was just so beautiful and really, really enjoyable.

 

In comes my little girl, and things are completely different.

 

I mean, they are made the same way.

 

They grew up in the same way in my belly, and came out the same way, and holy moly, they are so different.

 

And it is so interesting to see.

 

And now with her, everything that I didn't have to go through with my son, I feel I'm going through with her, which makes the motherhood journey so interesting because I feel like I'm going through it again differently.

 

I need to relearn and unlearn things and relearn others.

 

While at the same time, like I can't really apply a lot of things I've learned with my first and the second because she's different.

 

And then as the older one is growing, I feel I also have to learn new things because everything he does and everything he goes through is a first for me, right?

 

Which is also why I like to talk to you because you have that age already under your belt.

 

And you like, sometimes I say as a joke, it's like, okay, that's my preview about how things are going to be one day.

 

So that's always nice to have like mom, friends like that around too.

 

Your career is taking off.

 

You're invited to speak at a summit that could put you on the map, but anxiety is also invited.

 

And anxiety is never fun when you have to perform at your best.

 

Please know this, the earlier you seek help, the better the outcome.

 

So one of the things that I have noticed is that we do tend to feel that because we are ourselves, like the fact that we have children doesn't change our likes and dislikes, our personality.

 

It doesn't really create a whole new person out of ourselves.

 

Like we're still pretty much us, right?

 

But now we have a different role or we're wearing a different hat.

 

And so I do feel that a lot of us as moms, we tend to be a little bit surprised to notice how different two children can be or three or four, depending how many you have.

 

And to see their temperaments, to see the way that they see things, it can be so, so different that it's a matter of...

 

One of the hardest things for me has been to attune to each individual need, but also being just and fair.

 

But the just and fair from their viewpoint is also very limited because they are not parents, because they don't have our vantage point.

 

And so navigating that perception of what is fair, what is unfair, can lead us down a path of thinking that we are messing up, that we are failing, that we're not doing it right.

 

And so I feel that having this differentiation in our heads, it's certainly something that can help us because it can make this navigation of situations a little bit more easy so that we ourselves don't get tangled up into that.

 

So for example, one of the things that I noticed with my son especially is that he likes to use now more than before, he uses always the, you never, you always, right?

 

It's this like absolutes, like it's always like this, it's never like that, and this and that.

 

And you, as a parent, you want to jump in and call it out and say no.

 

And you want to use your logic and be like, look, I also have a mental record and yes, it's not always and it's not never, and because of this and because of that.

 

But their perceptions of things are so different from ours that arguing with that or trying to fight it with logic is not going to get us very far, and it's going to deplete us as well, and it's going to lead down a path where you're trying to convince the unconvincible of something.

 

And so because they are coming from such an emotional standpoint anyway, because they're children, that is part of their programming stage.

 

I guess the best course of action is first of all to acknowledge that what they are seeing, like the way they are seeing things is valid for them.

 

And when you are able to acknowledge that, you are creating a connection that allows for you to course correct them when they are ready, because they will get to a point where they're ready.

 

But when they are in that mindset of, no, it's like this, it's going to be hard to try to figure it out.

 

But I do know it becomes complicated when there's a sibling in the picture, right?

 

Because right now I'm talking about you and your child, but if there's another kid in the picture, and there was an episode or something happened, and then there was a fight, there was an argument, there was something, like that is where it becomes, there's more moving parts to it, right?

 

Yeah, totally, totally.

 

I think this whole age thing is true.

 

I need to, what we are in a bit of an argument or a discussion or negotiation or something, I always try to remember he is only six, he is just a child.

 

He doesn't think as complex as I do.

 

I need to respect that.

 

And I'm also really glad that the school they're in, they're really into these developmental stages.

 

They don't really have a first grade, second grade, third grade.

 

It's really according to the child's developmental stage, which is amazing.

 

So that made me learn a lot about that.

 

But I have to remind myself that this is when I speak to him a certain way, that is the way he needs to be spoken to for him to understand or the reasoning behind it, right?

 

But like you said, when there is another one, so now my little daughter, she is four years younger.

 

She's only two.

 

So obviously I need to then talk to her so much different than I would talk to my six-year-old.

 

It's such a big difference, right?

 

So like you said, when that gets in the mix, it becomes quite complicated to, let's say, talk to try to stop an argument happening or some kind of competition going on, and you're like, oh my goodness.

 

Exactly.

 

And what I also, like one big thing, and this is actually one of the big things I wanted to talk to you about as well, is like I need to constantly remind myself, so my six-year-old is still a child.

 

He's still young.

 

He's very much the mind, the brain.

 

Everything's developing.

 

Yet because I have a little one, I treat him like such a big boy already, whereas I take her out of the equation for a second, and he's still a child.

 

And if he was the only one, I would probably deal very differently with him.

 

But it happens to me that I, because she's so little, and she needs a lot more attention and care because she's two, I expect sometimes too much of my older one, too much of responsibility and independence.

 

I'm like, but he's still also only six, right?

 

So I think I struggle with that in myself right now to make these differentiations on how I treat him with keeping that in mind, is what I'm trying to say.

 

So did you go through that as well?

 

I mean, your situation is different.

 

They're 22 months apart.

 

I'm sure it's very different as well.

 

And your six-year-old is your youngest, whereas my six-year-old is my biggest.

 

So there's a lot of differences here, but any words of wisdom there for me?

 

So it is definitely one of those situations where our mind, our conscious mind, is doing its job.

 

It's doing what it's supposed to be doing, which is evaluating, comparing, contrasting.

 

That is how we operate in this sense of reality.

 

We're comparing, contrasting, evaluating.

 

And I'm not saying that we're doing it in a way to say this child is better than this other child.

 

What I'm saying is that the conscious mind goes into that direction because that's the job it's meant to be doing.

 

So it makes total sense that you do feel that when you have both children together and you're seeing them do an activity of some sort, this comparison, which is not done fully consciously, will make you feel like, oh, yes, my little one is so little, and he needs to understand more.

 

So we add a little bit more of expectations and pressure to our older child when we are looking at the situation with the little one involved.

 

So that is very normal.

 

And what you say, it's not something that will be harming him or creating trauma for life if you know how to navigate it, right?

 

If you have the awareness that you're doing it, which is what you're sharing with me today, if you have the awareness that this is happening, what needs to, sometimes the tweak that is required is to be able for you to expand your capacity to notice it before you are in that space, right?

 

Because that is the key.

 

The fact that you experience it is still going to happen.

 

Like we cannot prevent that because the mind is the mind.

 

The mind will do what it needs to be doing.

 

But catching yourself a little bit earlier is the name of the game, and it's certainly not easy and it's not going to happen in one, two, three.

 

But the more that we practice that, it's more like a mindfulness exercise for you.

 

It's true.

 

Because your boy is going to be your boy.

 

Your girl is still going to be your girl.

 

They cannot do anything about where they are physically, at the age that they're in, at their capacity for what they're doing.

 

But we ourselves have a filter.

 

And as you say, the filter changes depending on where you're viewing it and from where.

 

And as you said, sometimes to me, he seems like he should know better that he should be behaving this way, doing these things because the little one is so little.

 

And then when you take her out of the equation, you're like, oh my God, but he's my baby.

 

He's like, how can I expect so much from him?

 

And so it's that mindfulness practice of going in and saying, okay, what are the times?

 

And I think that you would have a good idea of, okay, what are the times when they are both together?

 

What are the times in the day where they are both interacting a lot together?

 

And then maybe setting yourself a timer and saying, okay, can the next 20 minutes, can I navigate them in a way where I honor both of them without getting the trigger of saying, he should, he shouldn't, or she should, she shouldn't, right?

 

And so by the end of those 20 minutes, you can start the timer again and so forth until the interaction ends.

 

And you feel like, okay, I was able to keep a container where I was not going into that space, because I feel that going into that space for a lot of us and myself included, later down the line when we're reminiscent or remembering, we're going to this guilt, right?

 

Or this, oh my God, I was so unfair, or maybe I was too harsh.

 

I was unfair, I was too hard on him, and I feel bad about it.

 

Yes, it's true.

 

It really goes to show, I mean, motherhood is such a journey where you just learn and learn and learn every day.

 

Of course.

 

You're right.

 

I think I have been able to identify the issue here, and I am catching myself to notice it a little bit earlier.

 

Maybe not all the time.

 

I need to do some work myself on that.

 

Of course.

 

And what I've also noticed is that when we then get into arguments, which are a bit more than usual, I think just the phase we're in with the whole dynamics at home is when we do get into an argument, it's not always because of the kids, because I am disappointed about how I handle the situation.

 

And because I'm mad at myself, I get mad at them.

 

Right?

 

That's also something that I've really caught myself.

 

And I was like, wow, was that really his fault?

 

Or it was actually my fault.

 

I didn't catch that.

 

It was my fault.

 

I didn't handle that correctly.

 

And now I'm letting it out on them, which is also not fair.

 

It's like a vicious circle, right?

 

So I think you're right.

 

It's the mindfulness and the able to identify these situations for what they are and really working on yourself.

 

And it all comes down, and it reminds me of an article I wrote, a blog I wrote a while ago.

 

It's like, who's having the tantrum?

 

My child or me?

 

You know, it's really about yourself.

 

Absolutely.

 

And looking inside yourself.

 

Exactly.

 

And also, you know, there's this theory that I noticed.

 

So I came up with the name, I call it the Pebble in the Shoe Theory.

 

And it also plays into, usually there tends to be one child that triggers us a little bit more than the other.

 

It's not necessarily a gender thing.

 

It doesn't have to be, oh, because it's my boy or because it's my girl.

 

It's more like there's one child that tends to trigger us more than the other.

 

And the Pebble in the Shoe theory is about we, for some reason, this particular child of ours is recreating a dynamic that we had with our parents when we were young.

 

But now we are on the other side of the equation where we are the parents.

 

But our subconscious mind hasn't gotten the memo.

 

It hasn't gotten the upgrade that we are on the other side.

 

And so it's a bit like a loop-sided view of things where the subconscious mind goes into, it's like the same patterns, like echoes of it.

 

And so it starts to recreate a little bit of that.

 

And when you notice that that might be at play, then it is important to examine what are beliefs that are coming up for you in those situations.

 

So when you are able to observe your patterns and your triggers, and to say where is the conflict coming from most of the time, and identifying the specific triggers that seem to set off the arguments and the tension, what you are doing is that you are exercising your awareness muscles so that you are able to start to see things for what they really are and not going so much into the automatic pilot type of situation.

 

But of course, if it does happen, because we are all humans, it happens to all of us, myself included, having that moment of grace and that moment to apologize.

 

And if you know that you were in the wrong, right, to have the humility to go to our child and say, I'm so sorry, that was a very unconscious way of acting.

 

It was a very unconscious way of talking.

 

It was an unconscious way of everything.

 

Can we have a do-over?

 

Can we start over?

 

I will be more mindful next time and so forth.

 

Children are very forgiving because they love us so much, right?

 

And so it also encourages that open communication, but also it recreates for them and it models this empathy and this sympathizing.

 

And that is so crucial because when it comes to sibling rivalry, you need a lot of that.

 

Sibling rivalry is something that it occurs in every household where you have more than one child.

 

It doesn't matter if it's boy and girl or if it's the same-sex household.

 

Because sibling rivalry depends on a combination of so many factors anyway.

 

So one of the things that is important though is can they both be, regardless of what happened or regardless of the conflict that went on, can they both exercise and practice having empathy and understanding, putting themselves in their sibling's shoe and trying to see it from their point of view.

 

This is the exercise.

 

It's not so much like how can I prevent sibling rivalry from happening?

 

Well, I don't think you can.

 

I think that you can go down a slippery slope of feeling even more frustrated when you see that all your efforts seem to be in vain.

 

Because as they grow up, the points of contention will also change and they will shift, and then they have to reassess the territory as they grow up between them.

 

And that's not something that any parent can foresee or prevent or plan for.

 

It's so arbitrary because it depends on them, their perceptions, their personality, their temperament, all of those things.

 

You don't know what's going to trigger one child at some point or your other child at another point, right?

 

But yeah, understanding that the name of the game is, okay, if your North Star is, I want my children when they grow up to be best friends, do I want them to rely on each other because I'm not going to be around forever?

 

Do I want them to have a great relationship where they can step in for one another and trust each other with their problems?

 

Then that empathy and understanding is so vital and it begins with us having this grace towards ourselves, grace towards the fact that we are doing the best that we can, where we are, and if I know better, then I do better.

 

If I didn't know better, then I couldn't.

 

So I did the best I could in that moment.

 

But now that I happen to know a little bit better, then I can do it a little bit better.

 

And our children, remember that they are always observing us.

 

And if they see that we are...

 

And they're mirroring us.

 

They're mirroring us.

 

But also if they see that we have a willingness to improve, if they're willing to see that it's okay to make mistakes and to get back on the horse again and try again and try again, then for them, failing or making a mistake is not going to be something that they're going to be hyper vigilant of.

 

They're just going to treat it as it's part of life.

 

I have seen my parents also try and attempt and fail, and it was all good and it's all okay.

 

It allows for human beings that are more understanding, more forgiving, more empathetic.

 

And that's what ultimately we want to raise, right?

 

We want to raise good humans.

 

Absolutely.

 

It's so true in the whole upbringing.

 

I think our involvement and the dynamics and the role we play is so vital, right?

 

Like, because they learn from us.

 

We're the first and closest person to them.

 

When you mentioned just now, like also, I'm glad I'm not alone.

 

You have one child that triggers you more.

 

But what I've really noticed for me, that's definitely at the moment in this stage, definitely my son, because I feel he's exactly like me.

 

He is exactly like me.

 

I feel we are connected in a way that it's very unique.

 

And I do get upset with him because I see myself in him.

 

Unlike you said, something that I went through as a child or how I was and habits and things that annoy me about myself that I see in him, that's why they trigger me.

 

So it's again this like reflecting back, how can I change my mindset around that?

 

And it's not fault, because I do the same.

 

So also, he's holding up a mirror in my face pretty much.

 

So that's also like a huge awareness point that I have already have.

 

But at the same time, I'm trying to look at it as it's so special that we are like that, that we have this amazing connection and this kind of bond that is very, very unique.

 

And it's so funny when we get into this thing now of arguing and just this mindless, and I know there's no point in it.

 

We have a safe word now.

 

We made a safe word.

 

It's very cute.

 

It changed a couple of times already, but it's always something very cute.

 

And we both, we have to put up our hands and we say that safe word.

 

And that's just like, let's just stop.

 

There's no point.

 

And it's really cute that he's actually the one saying that first nowadays.

 

You know, he's like, and I'm like, you're right, you're right.

 

And then we hug or we do something super silly.

 

We laugh and then it's better.

 

And it's really better.

 

And I love having that safe word.

 

That's like a little hack of ours at the moment.

 

But now we're navigating as well this phase, I think, of jealousy.

 

And like you said, this jealousy, this rivalry, and it's really just these calls for attention.

 

And I think it's also important to identify that once again, what is a call for attention, right?

 

And why is that coming about?

 

And it can be some misbehavior or it can be something they say or do that is simply a call for your attention, right?

 

And we also need to honor that and we need to respect that.

 

And we need to just take them in our arm, especially the older ones, because also my son, he's been alone for four years.

 

And all of a sudden this little human being enters his life and gets all of our attention or a lot of our attention, right?

 

So I need to, I felt like I need to like, yeah, be very mindful of that and honor that as well.

 

Absolutely.

 

Yeah.

 

And those are the things that the faster you're able to get to the root cause of what is going on.

 

Because sometimes it's not that you're not seeing it.

 

Like you pretty much understand that the scenario is, I had the undivided attention of my parents and then something changed.

 

And we don't like what's unfamiliar.

 

It doesn't matter how cute this unfamiliar bundle or additional to the family is, it's still unfamiliar and we don't like what's unfamiliar.

 

That's one of the secrets of the mind.

 

So you can see that, okay, this is an adjustment period.

 

And just because your daughter is two, it doesn't mean that, oh, he should already be used to her.

 

No, because the level of growth and development that your daughter has been going through has been quantum leaping until it stabilizes a little bit more and then she becomes a little bit, but it's like the sleep regressions and then the teething and then this and then that.

 

And it has been like jump after jump after jump.

 

So imagine if this jump that she has had have created for you as well, like disruptions where you have like, okay, I thought we had a handle of this.

 

Now we're going back to that.

 

Now we're doing this.

 

Now we're doing that.

 

And you're an adult with your prefrontal cortex fully developed where you're able to like keep yourself in check for the most part.

 

Now imagine what it does to your four-year-old observing this and not being able to step in or do anything about it.

 

You know what I mean?

 

Because he's not able to do anything about it because it's not his job, but they feel that it's their job, right?

 

Because they want to protect mommy.

 

They want to do all these things.

 

So when it comes to this jealousy aspect, is this perceived inequality somehow, is this perceived lack of or this perceived difference in the things that are going on?

 

And when you're able to get to the root cause of how he's viewing it, you're going to be able to have a better grasp in where the jealousy is coming from and to be able to address it fully.

 

And it's not, how can I say, it's not something that is overly complicated.

 

Like I do this with my clients.

 

I also work with children and teenagers.

 

And what we do is we do exercises and guided play role models that allow me to see through a doll what is it that they're really thinking, but most importantly, how they are perceiving things because perception is reality for them.

 

And when you're able to get that code and see like, oh, this is what it's all about, then the behavior can be changed and it can be modified.

 

It's like with my daughter, at some point we had a lot of situations where she wasn't accepting help.

 

She really wanted to do things on her own, but she wasn't able to.

 

And so it was like a double frustration for her because it's like, I don't want your help, but I cannot do it.

 

And I have to accept your help, but I don't want it.

 

And it was like all this thing, like all tangled up in her mind.

 

And I did one of these exercises with her.

 

And what it came up was that she thought that by getting help, she was going to be treated as a baby.

 

And she didn't want to be a baby.

 

So then when I changed that for her, because the good thing is that our kids are still in alpha, alpha brain waves up until the age of eight.

 

When I changed this for her, it was so quickly, like the turnaround was so quickly because she's already operating from that brain wave as it is.

 

So I made it, you know, like with kids, you have to use a lot of imagination, a lot of like, you have to blow things up, really paint a picture, make it super vivid.

 

And I was like, oh, so okay, so come over here.

 

Can you help me with this?

 

And she helped me and I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to start wearing a diaper now.

 

I'm going to start, you know, having a pacifier in my mouth now.

 

And she's like, no, that's so silly, of course not.

 

And I said, okay, well, you see, you can accept help and still not go back to being a baby.

 

So that was how I unraveled things for her in a way that she understood.

 

It was like appropriate to her developmental stage.

 

And then she started to be like, oh, okay, I guess that is not going to happen.

 

But in her young mind, it's so real, right?

 

And sometimes we, with the best of intentions, we tend to say things like, oh, but that's not true.

 

Oh, that's not real.

 

Oh, come on, that's so silly.

 

But we don't understand that for them, the separation between the real and the imaginary is still quite tight.

 

It's so, so linked.

 

And for them, it can still happen.

 

It is a possibility.

 

It's a real one.

 

So that is where I would come in with the jealousy part, is just to see what's at the core.

 

There's something.

 

There's like one belief that they have internalized.

 

The thing is that it's hard.

 

It's not a blanket statement because you're feeling the feeling, right?

 

If you're feeling the jealousy, that's one thing.

 

But what is the belief that is triggering that?

 

And if you unravel the belief, then the behavior is going to change.

 

It has to.

 

It's like the order of things.

 

So there's always a way to find this.

 

Out.

 

And there's always hope.

 

And there's always this super amazing, powerful force that I call, which is love, right?

 

Our mother love towards her children.

 

That is also going to help them along the way.

 

I'm sorry, along the way.

 

And it's going to help them navigate all these things, right?

 

Because sometimes we just need to hold that space for them and be like, okay, he's in this stage where jealousy is a thing.

 

It's going to feel like this for a while until it doesn't feel like that anymore.

 

And how can I step in?

 

How can I give him more of my love?

 

Obviously with boundaries, with limits, of course, you're not going to go overboard and buy him the whole toy store so that he can feel love.

 

But it's this showing up daily consistently as you have always been doing that is going to be doing the trick.

 

It's just that we need to also understand that we're playing the long game in motherhood.

 

It's not just like, how can I ride the jealousy wave and then in six months, it's all good.

 

You're going to see the results of your efforts and you're showing up and your love and everything when they become adults.

 

And when you see how well-rounded they are, when you see how good humans they are, when you see how they're showing up in moments for different people, for their siblings and so forth.

 

But we have to allow time.

 

And that's a little bit what tends to trip us up, is that we don't have the immediate consequence of the action.

 

We have to wait until the stew marinates and cooks itself.

 

And it's going to be the long game in that sense.

 

Really taking out of this.

 

Thank you so much.

 

It's just the respecting the stage that we're in, respecting the personalities that both children have, respecting and leaning into all of that.

 

And we can't expect things to go a certain way because we need to respect where they're coming from at the stage that they're in.

 

It's so, so important.

 

And I think exactly that's where mindfulness and working on your own subconscious really, really plays the biggest role.

 

So yeah, I mean, it doesn't get boring, does it?

 

It is always different.

 

One just the cutest thing that happened the other day as well.

 

And going back to like, they really watch us and they mimic us and they learn from us, which is why we need to be careful about how we do things sometimes.

 

But it's like when my little one was a classic terrible too, it was tantruming her way.

 

There was no sense in anything she was doing and screaming and crying about, holy moly, we could do another episode of that.

 

We won't get into this one.

 

And then the six-year-old just goes like, Mom, where's your oil?

 

Where's your oil?

 

And then let's give her an oil.

 

And I'm like, oh my God, duh, you're so right, because he sees me.

 

That's what I go through at that moment.

 

I was myself losing my mind a little bit.

 

And I went to grab it, and lo and behold, it just worked absolute magic.

 

But the point of that one is they observe us.

 

You know, they observe us.

 

And they observe how you are, how you're solving, how you're coming about to step in into those moments.

 

And the more that we can model for them, that it's all going to be okay, that we can breathe, that we can take a step back, the more that they're going to show up in that same way themselves down the line.

 

Totally.

 

I love our children.

 

They're amazing.

 

Motherhood is definitely challenging, but at the end, it's the most rewarding, the most rewarding journey in life.

 

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

Neither would I.

 

And if you want to take a look, well, not a look, but if you want to take a listen at some of the things that our kids have shared about themselves and about our mother life, we also invite you to check out the episodes.

 

They're usually the last episode of each season where we sort of interview them and we invite them to the studio.

 

And we ask them questions about everything and anything.

 

And it's just like their answers are so cute.

 

And it's just like one of those moments of cuteness that we all need in our lives.

 

So go and check those out.

 

They're really, really awesome.

 

And you get a sense for our kids' personality as well.

 

And then you can relate a little bit more to the stories that we're sharing today.

 

Wait, dear mama, we're not letting you go empty-handed.

 

We have a truckload of freebies and free materials to help, guide and support you in your role as a mom boss.

 

Check out our show notes for the link and stay tuned for the next episode.

 

Thanks for listening!

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Episodes Mentioned

 

Mom Bosses Abroad: Little Helpers| Raising Empowered Kids that Take Notice on Apple Podcasts