TRANSCRIPT

Resolution Revolution | Embracing Growth Beyond Quitters' Day

 

Iva 1:45

I am here today with my beautiful co-host Desiree Gonzalez and I'd love to welcome you to this brand new episode.

 

Desiree 1:56

So good to be here again.

 

Iva 1:58

It is also a brand new year.

 

Desiree 2:04

I can't believe it I still can't get over the fact that we are in 2024 It seems a little bit surreal just for the fact that the last year has just gone by so fast.

 

Iva 2:18

So it has gotten fast but also a bit slow to me. 

 

Desiree 2:23

Really. I think it's just flown so fast. I think so much got through so many things have happened and, but you know what my highlight is of 2023 it's actually the fact that we saw each other twice.

 

Iva 2:38

I know. I know, last year was a great year! Yeah, so you know, this episode is a bit of a part two, but it's also a bit of a continuity of a conversation that we had, as well during the second Friday of January which is usually known as Quitters’ Day. And so last year, we did a whole episode dedicated to this topic about New Year's resolutions. Are you Team yes or are you Team ‘I don't believe in New Year's resolutions anymore’? And also, what does that mean when you actually have an actual day that is internationally recognized as the day where people quit their New Year's resolutions and they last that little? Or it's very short lived.

 

Desiree 3:43

I mean, I did notice and you told me about this last year it was new to me. And then you said it's actually Quitters’ Day- let's do an episode on quitters. I'm like yeah, sure when is Quitters’ Day and you're like January 12. I was like What do you mean? Like second Friday of January? I was like What do you mean? It's per research and from the studies that people give up their goals already and this year, it actually falls on January 12. And this is for me so crazy to think that it is just so quick so soon, right? It's such an interesting concept. 

 

Iva 4:22

But do you feel that it has an element of truth to it? Because I'm gonna put you on the spot a little bit. But when we had this conversation a year ago, we talked about some New Year's resolutions for ourselves. And I think that you shared your New Year's resolution with me on that day. And I said so I'm holding you accountable. I said, ‘Okay, I'm gonna check in with you in a year's time to see where you're at’  Do you want to share a little bit what was done? And how have you felt in this past year with regards to your New Year's resolution?

 

Desiree 4:56

Yes. So because we had previously kind of you did put me on the spot last year I really remember because I hadn't actually said that resolution out loud. It was in my mind, but I hadn't put it on paper or something. So it was the first time it actually came out. But because we had kind of written about the episode and I knew a little bit what was coming. It did form in my mind. So I really made sure I didn't fall into that trap, right that it was something that could be like a SMART goal, that it could be measurable, achievable. It's not so out of the like not this high-flying dream that's like yeah, nice to have and you just set yourself up for failure. So my resolution was actually to scale back a little bit. Because last year my little daughter was one she just had her second birthday so I felt I was so busy with doing things and we had just moved to Tokyo and all of that. So there was a lot of things happening in life and in business at the same time. I had I felt I want to be present more than ever. I want to be there for her, for my son, for my husband who has pointed out to me that I'm often so stressed at night. And I said Okay, I'm going to scale back without doing less in my business but lean more into automation, but also learn to say no to certain things or put realistic timelines onto them. So not to stress myself at all. And I have to say, and I'm feeling a little bit proud of myself that I have, I feel I have succeeded. And the reason like I feel I have been able to put things more into perspective and I have always thought about the conversation that we had on that very day in that episode. About is it really worth it? I weigh things up all the time. Do I really need to complete this by tonight? Or can I just cuddle with my little ones on the couch? You know, do I really need to do that or can I have just a quiet relaxed dinner focused on the conversation with my husband and not go down my to do list? You know? Can I do that? Am I there for all the playdates and everything? So I feel I really was. Yes, I was. 

 

Iva 7:41

So yay, that's great. And so do you feel that you did it with more intention in terms of how you were approaching your everyday?

 

Desiree 7:54

I did. I did. But I have to say like it didn't always come easy and it didn't come automatically. I had to really think and to like consciously make decisions with our conversation in mind. You know, with this No, I have said that this is what I will do. And I stuck to it. It wasn't always easy though. I have to admit where I you know, the creative side of it was like, but I want to do this and I want to do that and you know we also just did an episode on being a multi-passionate entrepreneur and that comes you know, it's part of my Human Design. I want to do this, I want to do more. But you know, putting your kids first, your family first. It's just it's just so important.

 

Iva 8:42

Of course, of course and it's part of what defines us as mothers right? When you become a mom and when you have your children and you see how dependent they are on you. It puts a lot of things into perspective. So it becomes more of Yeah, it's this sense of nourishing of protecting them of looking after them, of really prioritizing them. It really kicks in very strongly. So I guess going back into this whole aspect of New Year's resolutions and the things that you do want to accomplish as you go into the new year with a blank slate type of mentality. I don't know if I shared this in that particular episode. But for me, there's always the sense of it's like a blank notebook. When I'm stepping into a new year it feels like there's so much potential and the sky's the limit and you're also in that particular type of energy where everybody, they just they just have all this lofty goals and visions for themselves and you get a little bit carried into that energy. And then how do you bridge that? How do you step into okay, this is a brand new year. There are things that I want to change. Are there things that I want to do differently? Or you know, whatever, whatever that looks like for each one of us. And how do you bridge that for yourself so that by the time December of that year rolls around, you don't feel that you were just not able to, so it wasn't sustainable for you or that you actually quit very early on and hence, the whole idea of this episode. It's a little bit going into that direction of how we can have this fierce energy into the new year and really set out goals for ourselves. So I think just for just for the sake of keeping a refresher, what is the difference between a goal and a resolution and an intention? And I think it's good to separate all three, because we can get also a little bit mixed up with definitions and terms. And so having a better understanding of what we mean by each word can also carry this episode forward in a very clear type of slate. So what I have found is that intentions define the actions that we take today. So whenever you wake up and you say my intention for today, like for example, I think this was really powerful for you from the story that you shared today was you made a point of saying okay, what is truly important. Like let me just take a moment and bring some awareness into what I'm doing and have an intention about does this really take me where I want to go? So intentions tend to define the actions that we take today. And goals and resolutions are more future-focused. So we are looking into okay, this is what I am planning to do or to achieve and then that's where you have to break them down into steps, right? How are you going to get to from point A to point B?

 

Desiree 12:24

I think it's so good that you've just made that these definitions or explained the differences because it's true. We do totally get mixed up into what is what and that often becomes difficult that but I think really one of the major problems you just mentioned is that people are often so over ambitious with what they're trying to achieve for a particular year.  And the key word you just use about like breaking things down. Because I think that is so important that we don't have this one overachieving, really, really big, big, big goal in mind, but rather to have like short, medium and long-term goals. And I feel I really figured that out last year as well when we spoke, we've been speaking for a while, but we've also done a recent episode on that where we spoke about the 12 week-year. And as an added bonus for us women to you incorporate our cycles in it as well. But the point is that we have made for you've talked about making a plan that is just a short-term vision towards your bigger goal. Right? And that seems a bit more achievable. Because seriously, the new studies have actually found that two thirds of people abandon their New Year's resolutions within a month because it was just too hard, too hard and they realize that, but why abandon them? Why not break them down into smaller chunks? 

 

Iva 15:15

So there's as you say, this whole sense of if we are able to really do the homework and break down the goal into actionable steps. We are going to find that is easier to approach because we're not overwhelmed by just, as you say,  this huge thing where our mind because this is also a little bit of neuroscience is the fact that our mind just it feels very overwhelmed because there's no clear rules of the game. And that's the whole breaking down the goals into parts. But also I feel that there is an added layer to this about: are your goals really your goals? Is this following your true desire? Is this following your true nature of who you are and what you feel you were put on this Earth to do and then it just ties up with a bigger why for you. Or is this just a desire and an aspiration that is linked to society or somebody else's expectations about what you should be doing? And we can't get mixed up. We can get mixed up because we have family, we have friends, because we see other people that we sort of want to emulate and then we draw conclusions since we say ‘Oh this person is doing this; this person is doing that, I should be too.’

 

Desiree 17:36

I was just gonna say goes back to the I should. I need to and this and that. Should 

 

Iva 17:43

Yes, instead of the what is my why? Why do I want to do this? Why do I want this? Why is this result? Why is this outcome important to me? Why do I want to pursue it? And so I totally agree with you. And I think that once we start aligning the formula, it really starts to get us into a place where things tend to just be easier, and we don't feel resistance and we don't feel that there's this self-sabotage maybe. But you know, things happen and we're like, Oh, I am abandoning ship. But it's because these goals or these resolutions are not aligning with our personal values. Because we haven't defined the bigger why for us. We were just riding on the train of somebody else's expectations. And that's why the initial excitement is very short-lived.

 

Desiree 18:49

That's right. Really good point. Another thing that I think has been really just reflecting back and thanks for putting me on the spot again, by the way, but reflecting back on that. It's the conversations with you that have often like the check -ns, right? It's like ‘Des, how are you doing? So how is that going?’ And I mean, you were here also here twice and you kind of saw like what's going on in my in my life, you know, so what's going on in your life, or like in your family dynamics? And it's just like those check-ins, like how's that going? How's that doing? And often we've had conversations of like, do you think we should do that? Do you think is that important? Now should we'll do next time I'll put like common projects and these check-ins that have really helped to keep on track. So I think for these resolutions that we're setting, it's so important to have an accountability partner, someone you can share first of all, share the resolutions with. I feel if you tell somebody like I have used this with you and it becomes a bit more like serious and what's the word like you're holding me accountable for it. Right? And it's, it becomes a way more I can't think of the word.

 

Iva 20:22

Well, I do I do feel that the energy of having a community of empowerment and that community can be like a one-person community, it can be like a few people community, right it's that you feel that there is a circle of like-minded spirits, like-minded sisters that understand the path that you're on. First of all, is super important, because I do believe that yes, having this accountability partner is very important. But if that accountability partner happens to be a well-meaning friend who is not fully sharing, the journey that you're in, they might be coming from a place of fear instead of empowerment down the line for you. So they may be predicting certain things from their own unresolved, possibly own resolutions or goals towards you. And instead of feeling that you're fueled even more, you feel that somehow they're just creating a little bit more second-guessing, perhaps a little bit more doubt or maybe even more fear in what you want to do. So, yes, I totally believe that being selective and having, who that person is going to be and making sure that that person is truly a cheerleader. And not because we are trying to be this artificial positivity posse of people going on that they say ‘oh yeah, jump off into the abyss you're gonna be ok’ but sometimes you do need to have someone that is at least more: ‘Yes, let's go for it. And if we don't, if we don't figure it out, first thing, we'll find a way’ that sort of sort of also allowing you to feel that there is no shame in trying again, of making mistakes, right? Rather than saying, ‘o\Oh, yeah, you see, your you pretty much seems like you're wasting your time, or it didn't turn out the way you wanted it so why don't you try something else?’ And they discourage you from having that. Instead of saying: ‘Okay, this path possibly wasn't the right one but we learned something, we found a silver lining, or there was something to get out of it. And now let's let's look for another one. And let's try this other way’ and using that creativity into alternatives 

 

Desiree 23:09

Yes, absolutely. And I think the word I was trying to find just now is also to have goals that keep you motivated, right, to keep you motivated to achieve and make it fun. as well. And as soon as you've shared it with somebody, I have ultimately inspired as well to achieve that even more than if I would have just kept it to myself. Because it's not about like, ‘Oh, now I have to prove it.’ Not at all, but it's like I just feel definitely more empowered, more inspired and more motivated to achieve my goals against all odds, right? I'll put a little bit more effort in that even I feel so. So breaking it down. If needed you know, into smaller chunks and having someone to share them with I think have been the biggest game changers, and they will it will be this year as well. For sure. 

 

Iva 24:10

Yeah. Yes. And when one important thing to highlight in this community that you have of like-minded people that are going to be supporting you and helping you out is understanding as I said before, this is not okay, hold me accountable and push me into this direction of okay, no matter what you're gonna be okay, brush it off, you're gonna be fine. It's all good. It's all good. It's all good. It also has to have a space for us to feel vulnerable, where vulnerability is actually embraced. Because this is what allows for genuine connections. And it also allows for a shared wisdom. So I feel that whenever someone is stepping into a new venture, into a new project, into a new resolution, into a new goal, into a new idea, it always starts with this really very light-hearted. Very, ‘Oh my god, this is exciting. I feel activated, motivated, inspired. I want to start tomorrow!’ and it all feels shiny and bright and new and fantastic. But that happens because the reality of goals and inspirations and ideas and resolutions is very abstract. So everything is energy. I always go back to that everything is energy. Albert Einstein said it said it well. He said everything is energy and that's all there is to it. So our thoughts are energies, our attitudes are energies, our ideas- everything is energy. And that energy is very light-hearted and it feels almost like ‘Oh, yes, fantastic. Let's go for it!’ at the beginning, because it's still very abstract. But then when you're actually trying to create that goal and put it in the 3D world where you actually have to now follow steps, where you actually have to face the constraints of time limitations or your own physical limitations, or the environment limitations. Let's say you have small children and or they get sick you know, things that happen in the world of mothers right and Murphy's Law, like whatever can go wrong will go wrong. You know, whoever needs to get sick on the day that you have the most important thing to do. It will happen. And so when you start to bring that into the physical world, you start to see how the energy becomes more dense. Because in this 3D world, you need to put more effort, you need to put energy into creating something. So if I have a lawn, if I have a backyard, the lawn is not going to get mowed on its own, I actually have to buy a lawnmower or I have to hire someone to cut it for me. But there has to be like this sort of effort that needs to be put into it. That doesn't happen when I just have the idea because now I have to go to the store, now I have to spend money on it. Now I have to organize how I'm going to cut the grass or whatever and, the same happens for goals. So this goes straight with what you said when we break them down. You're able to digest them better, but also, we have to contend with the fact that we have inner resistance that I talked about that self-sabotage comes in. And that's where having a resilient mindset paired with sustainable habits is what starts to create that goal into reality. You are also along the way creating a new identity. You know, there's the sense that if you keep doing the same things that you've been doing, you're going to be getting the same results that you've been getting. So if you are stepping into the New Year, wanting to achieve powerful transformations for yourself where you want to really have the feeling of satisfaction that you have reached this milestones and goals that you have set up for yourself this year. It's not going to be the old you the one that is going to take you there, is going to be the new you with new habits, new sustainable habits, and also this new identity that you're creating by engaging in new ways of behaving. But it all comes down to the mindset aspect, right? We need to shift our mindset or tweak it, or find ways that you know those mental and emotional challenges or resistance that we have from the past, especially as mompreneurs where we were coming from a place where we feel drained, where we feel exhausted, where we feel that we don't have enough time for our children, our spouses and so we're pulled in all different types of directions. That's where we also need to take a step back to just reconsider. ‘Okay, is this really true?’ Like, are all of these stories that I'm telling myself really absolutely 100% true? And if so, how can I just include them in my day-to-day practices with regards to mindfulness and relaxation, that allow me to feel less overwhelmed because in that overwhelm as we have shared in in previous episodes in that overwhelm, we hit a wall of confusion, and then we just didn't even know which way to turn right. And if we are going to be pursuing goals if we're going to establish SMART goals, as Des said at the beginning of the episode, where they’re measurable, where we can break them down, where we can see the logic in doing a, first b second, then we need that clarity. So it is important to find ways that we can expand on a mindset that is resilient, that is there to support us. It's a mindset that tells us good things, you know, in that inner dialogue that we have that he tells us, ‘Okay, it's fine to take a break, it's fine to take a pause to breathe.’ And you know, long term, even building up a resilient mindset is a great habit. So even if you don't feel that you have any particular goals for this year, or anything grand to pursue, I would go with the sense that having a resilient mindset is or cultivating it this year might be a great way to start because it's one of the fundamental building blocks to get you where you want to go. 

 

Desiree 31:17

And with this resilient mindset, it comes also probably the part that you need to have an open mind and open mind to change to become into evolving as yourself. And because like you rightly said, if we just keep doing things the way we've always done, there's also no space to grow. So we need to get slightly some people may call it uncomfortable and what we're doing, you know, and that is the sign that we're really leveling up, that we're really transforming or evolving and we're going to hit goals in ways that you know, we wouldn't be able to with goal setting comes a lot of action that can only be achieved with this resilient mindset but also with the getting out of that comfort zone and doing the things that you know, it just doesn't come from nothing. It has to be done with clarity. So yes, absolutely. This this mindset piece is a huge, huge factor into the goal setting into achieving what you really set out for yourself this year.

 

Iva 32:33

Yes. And because we are mothers ourselves and we are entrepreneurs and we are women I think it's also important to emphasize that redesigning our goal setting strategy through a femine lens is very, very important. So what do I mean by that is that we also need to be very intentional about what are these goals that we want? And how do we pair them with overall wellbeing along the way, because as you say, sometimes we err on the side of too much action and too much doing to the point that we're burned out, and that's not what we're after. What we're after is to feel expansive and satisfied. That we have reached or achieved our goals and we have reached the milestones that we have set out to pursue, but we have gotten there with the sense of ‘Oh my god, I want it all-around harmony’ this sense of fulfillment and one of the things that I feel, really shapes this feminine lens is, you know, how can we better navigate the guilt that is associated with pursuing personal goals. Because as we said, we wear a lot of hats, and sometimes you know, we have this inner struggle of okay, if I dedicate time to this, then I am not dedicating time to the other. The other things being my children, for example, and spending quality time. So that goes back on you know, we're going a little bit in a loop but this is just to highlight that short-term goals or medium-term goals as you're moving towards the big one, right, has to be paired up with well-being as well. And this is a new identity that we can tap into is the identity of the woman that gets things done, but she doesn't have to be feeling burned out or overwhelmed and then not enjoying the journey.

 

Desiree 34:35

Yeah, we often feel like as moms there is no space for our own goals, right because we're so focused on the kids, and the family, but there is and our kids need to see that as well and that fuels and again, where we are energy, we surround yourself by energy. If we bring this energy, this fulfillment into our family dynamic, everyone can feel it. And now we are Mom Bosses, right? We are mompreneurs, we have a business that we're running. So it is also important that like we have our why, what is the why of why we're doing this in the first place? So we always get to that, to fulfill these goals and we have to get away from there's no space for us to have our own goals, of course, because we have a why and if you're very clear on that we're doing this for our family. We're doing this for our kids. And that just fuels- that is my fuel for everything that I do and I don't feel guilty because at the end it is for them.

 

Iva 35:45

Yeah, of course and we are thinking about all the different layers, right all the different everyone that is involved in this equation as you say and we come from a place of Yeah, we want the best for our children. We want the best for our families. We want the best for our relationships and so we want Win-win all around. And with this said I think you know, just for like some closing statements in this in the in the highlighting of this day, right which is called Quitters’ Day. We don't want by any means too ridicule or make fun of anyone that might feel like they are struggling or that they have already given up on their New Year's resolutions by this point as you're listening to this episode. You can always start the New Year on any day of the year. You can be very arbitrary about that. Because even though yes, January 1st is the day that we all collectively decided to say okay, this is the start of something new. We can always go back and say okay, maybe the past two weeks, I went back into my old habits or I just ,you know, I wasn't being clear enough to where I was aligning my goals to the wrong set of expectations that were not really my own or whatever that looks like but give yourself some grace and always remember that the year has just gotten started. And it only has the capacity to get better if that if that is your intention and if that is your direction to say ‘I am going to take the this New Year by the horns and I'm going to own it.’ And regardless of whether I'm following the first of January guidelines or I'm starting on March 3rd, tomorrow is always a new day and it's a fresh new start and even if you cannot wait until tomorrow then the next 20 minutes it's a fresh new start for you.

 

Desiree 38:02

Yeah, look I operate on a 12-week year right so I got to start over again all the time or redefining it so it's really great and that definitely relieves the pressure of having to do it all at one time. I'd rather breaking it down since seems achievable. Whatever works for you. 

 

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Episodes Mentioned

Mom Bosses Abroad: Ney Year’s Resolutions | How to Keep Going After 'Quitter's Day’ on Apple Podcasts

 

Mom Bosses Abroad: Ebb and Flow | Why Your Cycle Can Be A Powerful Productivity Tool on Apple Podcasts